Is This It?

I realised I was always sighing to myself these past few days.
I whined a lot too.
My friends (more than one person) commented that my face looks stressful.
I can't hide the truth I feel inside.
Too many things to catch up with. Anxiety kills, now it's proven.
Allah, is this what I really want in life?
Undeniably I have a good job and stable income but I feel incomplete.
It's freaking lonely here.
It pains me to see pictures of people I love dearly.
Everytime the loneliness brings me down, I try to get up and run. Hoping that it won't haunt me.
No, it keeps moving and follows me.
There are times where I want to spend a little to reward myself.
No special malls, if there's any everything is limited.
I'm stuck here with people I hardly know.
Family is away, also missing him so badly.
Friends are occupied with their own business. Married and boyfriends, that's how friends are stolen from me.
What's left? Guys.
Single guys are everywhere and most of them know that I'm no longer available.
I know, there are limits.
I cannot go out with only a guy.
Let it be a bunch of friends.
Encik Sayang will never say NO to group outing. But NO dating please.
Ok, I understand.
I miss him though. It's him I want, It's him I'm waiting for.
Allah, these tests and trials are not meant for me because I'm not up to their standards.
I had enough of feeling alone and lonely abroad.
No more please.

Urmm..

I want to breathe easily.
I want to take a long walk.
I want to look up the sky.
I want to see you.
I cannot stand this feeling, the fragile and vulnerable side of me.
I feel so weak and useless.

Gatal

I feel disturbed in some ways.
Yes, let me story you things happened in the past few days.
They explain my temporary silence. Cewah, macam lama sangat tak update :P.

1. My face naik jerawat. Bukan satu dot ok, but banyak gila! Itchy, nak makan udang pun tak boleh. Dahi, pipi, hidung. Semuaaaa ada. Sedih, stress, worried. Semua rasa tak enak hinggap di hatiku! Until I met a doctor, he prescribed me gel to apply on face. Two types of gel and ubat makan in case rasa itchy di badan. Why? Because other than jerawat, badan pun naik rashes sesat. It's like..eh tibe2 ade merah kat lengan lah..kat wrist lah..aihhhh..risau gileee..Then merah tu hilang..But still consult with doctor. He said aku ada lah tu allergic with some things. might be chemicals. I cannot explain lah why. :(((. Those things made me feel down..Feel less confident with myself, I did not put any bedak or moisturizer for dayssss jugak lah. Then after applying those gels on my face, my face become so dry but all itchiness reduced. Alhamdulillah..now I can apply my daily moisturizer..
2. Kerja lagi. Pening sket ah. Demotivated pun ada. Haha.
3. It's been freaking AGES since I last went back to Tanah Malaya. Oih jiwa kacau duh stay lama2 kat Bintulu. Feel like screaminggggg loudly.
   
4. Life's beautiful, I admit that. But But But..It ain't a BED OF ROSES. urghhh....
5. You know, this 29th Nov will be exactly ONE YEAR since I last met Encik Sayang. Ini satu lagi jiwa kacau. Ya Allah..kuatkan lah aku..:(

Ini saja cerita yg aku mampu share, later boleh add more!
Dah maghrib. Daaa

Actually feel guilty for not responding to comments in below entries.
Will get back to you guys!

Habuk

Blog, sorry. Been busy and lazy to update. Just recovered, but not fully. At least I feel better. Less worry.
I was not well people.
Will talk to you later.
Love,

Z

I'll Be Moving

People, I'm sorry.
I'll be moving to another url.
Privacy concern, I seek your kind co-operation to email me at zaluiera@yahoo.com for my new url.
Eh, tak paksa tau..If awak mahu lah:).

Saya gumbira hari ni..lalalala..
If nak message my fb pun ok..nanti saya kasi lah url baru..ok?:)
Ta!

Thundered

1. You know, I don't need approval from unnecessary people. People who come and go, people who love to criticize, people who love to see others fall and fail. Nah, don't need ya approval.
   
2. I hate it when the day of the month comes. It swings crazily, full of despair and swizz. Fragile, volatile, vulnerable. Oih, all negative. 3 nights in a row rained heavily, attached with thunders too.
   

alamak, he's calling.
talk later ok.
tomorrow sabtu, but I'm going to work. Saja boring. Uergh..;)

Like I Care

Sedang kunyah seafood goreng yg org selalu letak dalam yong tau foo. Nyum nyum enak.
Actually hati sedang panas, aih aih aih.
Today pulang kerja awal. Ingat nak balik 430 ptg, tapi bila dengar suara boss masih ada, stay lah kejap for 20 mins. Hehe.
Then 450 ptg terus off vrooommm...

Sampai jer rumah ada orang spoiled mood aku, tahniah2. Seriously, some people doesn't deserve respect. Gila tak suka, talk to the hand a.
Whatever lah.

So yes, esok Khamis. How time flies, hari ini banyak juga benda perlu dikejar.
Esok the whole day ada training so kurang bekerja.

Aku rasa jadual agak sesak sebab selain kerja, buat kerja society.
Layan kan je lah right..

Actually ada a little worry inside, tapi bila fikir balik jangan fikir sangat sampai gugat perasaan, sampai affect my daily activities.
Bila waktu waktu begini, hati senang terasa juga. Ha, best friend dah nak mai kot. Welcome. Welcome.

Apa motif entry ni selain merepek2 ala diari?
Tadi terdengar perbualan seorang rakan di office.

He's married and the wife baru saja transfer ke semenanjung, makanya dia kini tiada housemate, single di Bintulu.
Dia tanya seorang rakan kami, "malam ni makan mana?"
Yang dia tanya tu pun, single di Bintulu. Wife di tempat lain juga.

Aku hanya sengih lihat mereka. Kasihan pun ada.
Actually bila dengar conversation tu, buat aku terfikir nasib aku nanti.
Kisah aku nanti mungkin lagi mencabar.
Mungkin ..or semestinya lebih mencabar.
Nanti after kahwin dengan Encik Sayang, we will be thousand miles apart.
Lagi sedih, lagi perit tu.

Aku masih fikir, kuat kah aku. Ya Allah, kuat ke hati dan jiwa perempuan ini.
:(.
Ya Allah, mohon hamba-hambaMu ini kuat..

Kekuatan tu milik Allah..mohon..mohon..

Aku selalu juga discuss dengan rakan-rakan yg dah kahwin tentang hal aku ni.
Long distance marriage.

Yang baik-baik tu selalunya akan nasihat just go on, yang penting Allah redha. Semua pun senang.
Betul tu.

Aku dan Encik Sayang dah banyak kali discuss pasal hal ni.
After a few research, study sket, discuss sket and survey sket..I finally come out with presentation slides on Long Distance Marriage (LDM).
He was impressed..hehe. terharu
Ha, betapa seriusnya kami..

What contains in the slides?
What is the definition of LDM, the objective of the marriage, the consequences/risks, the tips, etc..
Moga-moga ia jadi rujukan kami..

Hurmm..nanti lah cerita lagi tentang ni. Now we just go with the flow..yang penting sekarang is..usaha towards it, doa banyak-banyak..Kan dear? :)

So yes again, today is a skype-off day. Tak suka..:(

tata.

pppsstt...hati dah sejuk..:). Thanks sayangku..

Cik Cik Cik

remaja sekolah: akak, akak umur brape? akak dah kawen kan?
aku: akak umur xx..eh akak belum kawen la dek..naper tanya macam tu?
remaja sekolah: lah, mati2 saya ingat akak dah kawen..sebab cara akak matang kot..hehe..senyuman akak pun sweet *yg ni takde kene mengena dengan topik*.
aku: sengih dalam sms..

Sometimes hairan, why some people thought that I'm married.
Do I look that old? Or what ha? Do I behave like someone married? Do I look like someone yg ada husband. Haha..funny..
I belum kawen ok, status saya masih Cik.
Bangga jugak status cik ni.
Free pelbagai perkara.
Contoh mudah, nak keluar rumah.
Tak perlu minta izin siapa-siapa.

Hehe. Tak gemar lah cakap pasal married life. Itu akan jadi personal.
Unless people eager nak tahu. Itu pun perkara yang halal untuk diberitahu saja ok..:P

Hurm, lately kan. Let me tell you a secret. My heart's secret.
I feel so empty. This feeling was obviously felt sejak sabtu hari tu..

Encik Sayang........saya sangat rindu awak...:'(.
Runtuh hati ku bila kenang kan dirimu yg jauh beribu batu.
:(.

Ok, aku tak suka post entry berbaur lembik begini.
But this is me, this is a feeling I cant hide.
I tried to fight, I tried to be strong tapi diri rasa lemah at times.
I cant do anything to get close to him.
I cant be near..:(

The only reason I have the strength is to think of his kindness and loyalty to me.
Also, he's the one I'm waiting for..~
I have no other men..
I might look fun and crazy at times but for this thing, I'm giving my all out to make things work.
We both do.
He gives his best to ensure this long distance relationship works.
He sacrificed a lot too.
Tak sanggup nak cheat on him, tak sanggup terima ajakan orang lain.
Tak mahu..Because Encik Sayang doesn't deserve lies..
Sayang, I really miss you so much..You know I'm glad time goes by so quick.
It's already Nov 2010..
InsyaAllah we will meet again next year..
And you know..If Allah permits us..We will be together..:)

*Actually tengah skype dengan nya..Saja lepas rindu di blog..haha..*

Oh, Best Friend Kot?

Oh, mood tak ada ni mesti something to do with monthly best friend.
Ya Allah, please avoid me from being hemo hemo..~
I browsed through comments these wonderful women dropped.
Thank you! Give me time to respond ya, I will get back to you..:)

Last weekend I had this volleyball tournament, remember I told you?
Ambik, dah hitam now.
Sedih gile. serious. Low self esteem bila tonton muka sendiri kat muka. :(
Belang belang si kucing belang..mana nak cari kucing hitam.~ *dah merapu dah*
Ok, sun tanned sun burnt habis, esoknya terus cari skin serum untuk repair the burnt skin.
Jumpa this one serum, not bad lah. After reading the reviews on the internet, terus capai kunci red baby and beli!.
So far ok lah, I love the gel-like texture. Non greasy you..so muka tak rasa rimas.
Price? Market price is around RM69.90 but I got on sale, only RM57! :DDD.

Then beli pewangi utk red baby and also for my bedroom.
Oh Bintulu sometimes sgt lah bosan, nak minum kopi kt kedai kopi baru-San Francisco pun malas.

Oh yes, remember I told you about my project for my bedroom kat Perak? Now it's under construction..Alhamdulillah...:)

Ok people, time to go.
Seriously, ideas ran out bila dah kerja nih. Aih..~

A Heartbreaking News

Today went pretty well, as usual workloads are mounting yet still have time to have fun. hehe.
Received a heartbreaking news from a friend. Heart was aching, felt the pain though it has nothing to do with me.
Ya Allah, please grant us happiness, protect us from any harm and danger.

I had some lessons learnt.
ONE, Cherish and appreciate people around you.
To those you're close with, tell them you love them. Reduce you ego *this is hard tho*
To friends, be nice and smile at them. You wont lose anything.
Also, learn to forgive and forget. Move on, expect less, smile a lot and be happy. Be sincere and everything will be at ease.
Yes, bak kata orang muda, cakap senang lah.
Memang pun. Tapi at least kita always ada that self awareness.

Istiqamah lah walau sikit pun usaha kamu.

TWO, always be thankful for whatever you have. Sometimes, a little thing brings a huge significance to you, it's how you see and appreciate it.
We complain and whine at times, but we don't know others who suffer more than we do. Some other people are more unfortunate than us. Seriously they do.
Remember, Allah has created tests and trials differently to us. Each individual will have different tests and trials, depending on one's ability. None of the tests are beyond it.
Plus, Allah never promised life is going to be easy, but Allah promised to be with us along the way as long as we seek Allah.

THREE, find a good man to marry. A man will lead the family and somehow he will determine how well the family is going to be. True, no? Agree, yeah?

Ok, enough.
Will update more after cooking, having dinner and..err...if rajin I study tonight. Argh, saya sungguh malas. Mari paksa diri. T_T.

Take care, salam.

More Colours, More Spice

Hari tu aku dah fikir, bosan amat bila kerja ni.
Bila study di uni dulu, bukan main tergedik2 nak kerja.
Alasan? Nak rasa duit sendiri.
Ha, now rasakan.
Kerja itu routine-daily activities only.
Wake up around 530 am, return home at 530 pm.
Shower, perform solah and get ready to sleep.
It repeats every weekday.

On the weekend I would just stay at home, relaxing and lazying around.
Tonton tv or masak anything I long for.

Bila zaman uni dulu, weekdays pergi kelas, lewat petang pergi jalan-jalan. Malam kadang-kadang pergi keluar makan ramai-ramai.
Weekend keluar jalan-jalan lagi, picnic or travel ke daerah lain.
Bila cuti panjang sket, travel europe. Adventurous sebab perlu be more careful di negara orang, tapi experience, PRICELESS!
Apart from that, join jugak student societies. Sronok, organized macam2 events. Tiring yet Exciting!

Kalau duit terasa banyak, pergi factory outlet.

It's MORE FUN and DELIGHTFUL.

Bila habis belajar, sebulan gemukkan badan di rumah and then off to Bintulu to work.
Rezeki kat sini, aku nak komplen banyak pun no use.

My point here is, I want to be someone useful.
Someone who contributes to the society.
I made a mistake by knowing someone not-so-good to be friends with.
Full stop pasal dia.

Far away from family and close friends, I have limited choice of friends.
I need to be selective to whom I share my ups and downs with.
That is why I have Encik Sayang with me.
He's the bestest friend I ever had.
But that's not the case.

I planned to do a lot of things.
Always to be better each day.
I want to be occupied with healthy activities, mix around with good people, learn new things, learn more ilmu agama.
That is why I'm glad to join any societies here, at least takde lah bosan banget, mati kutu.
Luckily my company provides me one. hehe

Or else, I will be drifted and deceived.
Here, all people you love are far away, no one will take care of you better than yourself.
I'm not surprise to see scandals are all around.
Name it, suami orang, isteri orang. Semua pun jadi.
Orang jadi makin desperate.

Ok enough.

So yeah, I got a plan on this Friday night. Hope it goes well:)
Living in a working life doesn't mean you need to stop contributing.
ok?

Chiaows~