Is This It?

I realised I was always sighing to myself these past few days.
I whined a lot too.
My friends (more than one person) commented that my face looks stressful.
I can't hide the truth I feel inside.
Too many things to catch up with. Anxiety kills, now it's proven.
Allah, is this what I really want in life?
Undeniably I have a good job and stable income but I feel incomplete.
It's freaking lonely here.
It pains me to see pictures of people I love dearly.
Everytime the loneliness brings me down, I try to get up and run. Hoping that it won't haunt me.
No, it keeps moving and follows me.
There are times where I want to spend a little to reward myself.
No special malls, if there's any everything is limited.
I'm stuck here with people I hardly know.
Family is away, also missing him so badly.
Friends are occupied with their own business. Married and boyfriends, that's how friends are stolen from me.
What's left? Guys.
Single guys are everywhere and most of them know that I'm no longer available.
I know, there are limits.
I cannot go out with only a guy.
Let it be a bunch of friends.
Encik Sayang will never say NO to group outing. But NO dating please.
Ok, I understand.
I miss him though. It's him I want, It's him I'm waiting for.
Allah, these tests and trials are not meant for me because I'm not up to their standards.
I had enough of feeling alone and lonely abroad.
No more please.

Urmm..

I want to breathe easily.
I want to take a long walk.
I want to look up the sky.
I want to see you.
I cannot stand this feeling, the fragile and vulnerable side of me.
I feel so weak and useless.